I Was Yours
by Sorry-excuse-for-a-writer
Summary: PG13 just to be safe. This is a H/R fic, and its sad, so be warned . Please r&r!


Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. It pains me to admit this.  
  
A/N: Hmm... just as a warning, this is a tad bit sad. Well, I guess really sad actually. So ... just so you know.  
  
This is a one chapter story. A stand alone , I guess is what you would call it.  
  
I Was Yours  
  
  
  
She layed there, not really there, just staring into space. 'Shock' was what the doctors were telling every one, when they asked what was wrong with her. ' What she has been through tonight, Ive seen many other girls experience so many countless times.'  
  
Her friends were there, she knew this much. Her close, very dear friends. She knew they meant well. But could she trust them? She had trusted him...  
  
Its funny how the man you hold so dearly to your heart , the man you worked so hard for to show him your love, could break you in one easy stride. That was all it took for him to loose her trust, yet she still loved him, and she hated herself for it. It wasnt fair, what happened to her. It wasnt fair that she had lost so much through the war, and now she had lost yet another. Why did fate keep playing these cards for her?  
  
"Can we see her now?" She heard a voice ask from behind the closed door to her hospital room.  
  
"I'm afraid she needs her rest." The familiar voice of the doctor replied.  
  
She would never forget that voice. The one who had told her .... what he did.  
  
A single tear ran its way down her features. She forcefully swiped it away. She wouldn't cry, not for him. She wouldn't give him the satifaction. He would never know that he had succeeded at what he had wanted all along. All those times he had threatened her with his words, she never thought he would actually put those words to use. But he would and he had and slowly, with every breath, she knew, though not physically , mentally , he was killing her. And it hurt.  
  
Pain, that was all she could feel. Pain. But not for her, for him. He had gone through so much at such a young age. She could never blame him . She hated herself even more when she realized this.  
  
She couldn't blame him, because she loved him. She always would. How did he feel? She never knew. He never showed any signs or displays of love or affection. Just those cold blue eyes, staring at her.  
  
She rubbed her belly. Soon , soon she would be a mother. All thanks to him. Her body ached from the small movement, and quickly she laid her hand back down on the bed. Her body was covered in bruises, most were hidden from sight. Her bottom lip was cut and she had a large forming bruise on the left side of her face. Another tear traced the path of the previous one, and she did nothing to stop it. She couldn't.  
  
She wouldn't sleep that night, how could she? Every sleeping moment brought only memories. Memories she would cherish for a lifetime, but now, they were too hard to remember at the moment. Too hard for her to watch, memories of him, and the times they shared.  
  
She vowed she wouldn't cry for him. She hated him. Look at the predicament he put her in. Did he care? She didn't know. But she did know that she hated him.  
  
She had to get her life back together, she had to. It would take time though, but that's all she really had now. A baby ... and time. She would have to take it one day at a time. Tomorrow, she thought, tomorrow she would start over. She layed there in her hospital bed, staring into space. She didnt notice that a nurse had slipped in and given her something to help her sleep. She didn't want to sleep, but the drug was too powerful. When she awoke the next morning, it would be harder for her to start over then she thought.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
She heard voices again. They were closer now. All around her, there were mumbled words that she couldn't comprehend. They seemed sad though. For her? She hated pity.  
  
She openned one eye, and then the other. Her friends were there. They were surrounding her bed. She noticed that they all seemed to have tears in their eyes. She sat up.  
  
"Whats going on?" her voice cracked. Her throat was dry . She had a bad feeling.  
  
Duo, among the rest of the pilots and girls, was the one who answered her. He looked at the group, meeting their eyes as he looked at each of them. He cleared his throat.  
  
"Releena" He said, as he reached for her hand, minding the iv needle stuck in it. "Something's happened."  
  
Her heart stopped. ::Heero:: she thought. It had to do with him, she could tell by the way everyone was acting. Why did she care? She couldn't figure it out, she kept telling herself that she was suppose to hate him. That he didn't love her. But it was too hard. She couldn't do it.  
  
"What happened?" She managed to ask after many moments of silence. "What happened to Heero?" He didn't have to say his name for her to know it had something to do with him. Duo didnt look surprised either at the mention of his name. Her heart sunk. Was he ok?  
  
"He....h-h-he..." Duo stopped, he placed a hand over his face. Hilde placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.  
  
He tried again. " Releena" He removed his hand from his face, and Releena could see tears. " Heero...he...he killed ... himself...last night."  
  
He couldn't continue,and so Hilde took over. She handed Releena a note. "They found this laying on the floor next to him." She told her.  
  
Releena looked at the letter in her hand. Her name was written on it. Did she really want to read it? She had to. She openned the letter .  
  
Releena,  
  
My every waking moment was spent thinking of you. My every thought, dream, ...life... revolved around you. Your laughter was torture to my ears, because I knew that I could never have you. Not the way you wanted me to. My heart stopped beating the first day I met you, and it hasnt beat since. You took my breath away. I wasn't capable of love. I wasn't capable of living. Blood stained my hands long ago.  
  
War hardened my heart. When I was with you though, nothing seemed to matter anymore. But I knew that it wouldn't last, it couldn't. You deserve someone who can care for you , someone who's everything I'm not. It tormented me when I saw your eyes so full of love when they were directed towards me. I didn't deserve your love.  
  
What I did was wrong. I betrayed your trust. Your Love. I couldn't live with myself...I couldn't stand to hurt you. Maybe in another lifetime I can earn your love, without the lives of others. Maybe then we could have the life you wanted. Maybe then I could have been yours.  
  
Heero  
  
Releena couldn't breathe. When she managed to take in a breath, it came as a sob. She bent over and leaned her head on her knees... and cried. She cried till sleep overwhelmed her.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It had been eight months since the incident in the hospital. Eight months since she lost him. She didn't attend his funeral... it was too hard, and she wasnt ready to face him yet.  
  
She stood infront of his grave stone now though. Her belly buldging with his baby. Ready to confront the man she loved.  
  
"Heero... " Mentioning his name was so hard for her. Eight months had gone bye since she last said it. Where would she start? How could she even begin ?  
  
"The baby's doing fine. It's a boy, I want....I want to name him after you..." She stopped, she couldn't continue. She kneeled down and placed her forehead on the cold stone. "Why did you have to leave me?" she sobbed. "We could have worked things out!! You left me all alone!! With a child!!" She shook from all the pent up anger she held towards him.  
  
" I hate you so much, but love you even more. I cant stand you!! But I cant stand not being with you. Im all alone now."  
  
She stood up and wiped her eyes. She turned away from him, she had to leave. " You said that maybe in another lifetime, you could have been mine. But you already were, and I was yours Heero, I was yours."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*Clears throat* Well ? What do you think? I was sorta in the mood to write something sad. Did I do an ok job of it? Please review... I love reviews. 


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